The Kessel Party Platform

Aug. 28, 2004

Julien Gordon's Presidential Platform for the 2032 Presidential Race

(Kessel is 7 years old and hence eligible to run for president in 2032)

On war:

1. No war unless somebody is shooting at you hard.

On gay marriage:

2. I believe that you should be gay or that you should get married with a man or a woman.

On Pollution:

3. I know that some companies have big smokestacks that pollute the air and the air is special and you need it to breathe. So I believe that you should just have small blowers that let out a little smoke at a time and then the air puts it up into space.

On Crime:

4. I believe that you should wear this steel suit that protects you from bad guys shooting at you. And there's this window so you can see in front of you and there's these small holes that protect your ears so you can hear too and it happens the same with your nostrils. And it should have a small air conditioner.

On Guns:

5. I believe that we should have a guns shield too, not just a body shield, so your gun doesn't get stolen either.

On Schools:

6. I believe you should have more schools so people get smart so they get out of a building when it's actually on fire.

On Oil:

7. I know that you should have less oil because people sometimes get sick and die because of it. So I believe you should only use oil for something like putting it in your car when your car needs it, or when you need to deliver it.

On Environment:

8. I know that you should have more fresh water so you can drink and you should clean the rivers and ponds out so birds don't poop in it and that's why you don't need to have a reservoir.

On Families & Children:

9. I believe that people should stop shooting families and children unless you have the special shield on.

On Foreign Policy:

10. I believe that we should stop polluting the water so other countries could be safe but you still need to wear the shield too.

On Health Care:

11. I believe there should be more hospitals so people don't get sick. Or people should always have medicine with them, and a spoon.

On Homeland Security:

12. If the terrorists knock down a building, you should always race down with your steel suit on.

On Immigration:

13. I believe that plane tickets should cost less so people can really live in America better.

On Jobs:

14. I believe you should have about 11 hours of doing your work and then you should have one hour of having fun too.

On Social Security:

15. I believe that you should give to old people about $10 a day because they get really poor.

On Welfare:

16. I believe you should give the poor people who have always been poor $20 a day or maybe $30 a day.

On Taxes:

17. I believe there should be less taxes. It was $2 for taxes. I believe it should be $1 for taxes every day.

As dictated to his dad, Aug. 28, 2004.